January 8, 2015 § Leave a comment
Do you ever put so much effort into something and then step back and actually feel proud of what you’ve done? I have. And I’m pretty sure we all have at some point. Except that after a period of 24 hours I see everything wrong with it, and suddenly I’m not so proud of it anymore.
This could be with anything… Exams, cooking, writing, photography even dealing with a situation.
For me this usually starts when I’m browsing on Instagram or Pinterest, or flipping through books gawping at how amazing everyone else’s art pieces are and wishing I could have even a fraction of the talent, inspiration and imagination they have. The hyper realism and photo realism drawings and paintings blow my mind, and I don’t deny I get jealous of the colour pencil masters, I mean I’ve been using those sticks for all of my childhood I should have some skill right?
At other times I just don’t have enough self confidence, I don’t give myself enough credit, and I feel completely unmotivated to create something believing that I lack the skills and know how- even after I’ve read and absorbed so many ‘tips and tricks’. On the contrary I get so inspired that I just don’t know where to begin and I sit completely overwhelmed and wistfully think that I don’t have the ability to put down what I have in mind. There is rarely a balance. And balance is supposed to be important right?
I think to myself ‘how can I become that good?’ ‘How can I be noticed, and how can I stand out of the million other more talented people?’ You see (you probably already know) the arts are notoriously difficult careers in which ‘to climb the ladder’ as simply as I can put it. The thing is, I’m not entirely sure what I’m good at, I do not know what I’m best at, and in everything thing I do I want to get better. I am a strange perfectionist in that do not allow anyone to observe what I do unless it is to a standard that I like- regardless of what other people say.
Consequently these thoughts lead me into other thoughts and I start having a mid life crisis even though I’m only 20. Careers? Money? Family? Travel? All these thoughts bombard me, I catch myself and tell myself to stop, God will take care of my affairs, I should live day by day and in time everything will come, and no, it most probably won’t be easy at all.
How do I solve these problems? These stumbling blocks as they are commonly known.
The first step I go through is looking at what lowers my self esteem, both my body image and skills/ talents what ever you call artistic ability. I don’t follow people on social media who will make me question my body or make me think less of myself. Simple. I also don’t follow ( I don’t like the word follow, it sounds like I’m a sheep and suck up) people who will make me want to change the morals I believe in. And that I tell you is huge help. However if I want to improve in something it makes sense that I have inspiration, so on Instagram I follow various artists, illustrators and calligraphers, I search for things that will push me, and inspire me to do better.
I am trying to make a conscious effort to have a positive way of thinking, the mind is an extremely powerful tool, switching the way I think will be essential for me to achieve things, and most importantly I have to stop dreaming, I need to start doing. This is one aspect that I have trouble with. I was born a daydreamer- I can’t help it, in class I zone out without realising even though the topic may be really interesting. But anyway- the daydreaming I’m talking about is the visions of success without work. Impossible to achieve.
I know I need to work harder.
However I need to pray harder, how can get even an ounce of what I want without the permission of God?
“Know that if the whole world gathered together to benefit you, they could not do so except by that which Allaah has destined for you; and if they gathered together to harm you, they could not do so except by that which Allaah has destined for you.”
I’m not sure which way I will go, but whatever I do it will need a combination of dreams, work, prayer and self confidence. The internet is an amazing place to promote work and make connections and there are people out there who appreciate what I do (or you do).
I also find this website here so helpful. If you are a writer, designer, photographer, videographer, performer, designer… The list goes on, there is something for you on there.
All images on this post belong to me, please do not use without my express permission.